


Dean St. Winchester

by elephantsarelove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-30
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-06 17:45:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1109750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elephantsarelove/pseuds/elephantsarelove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean St. Winchester was going to college to become a firefighter to avenge his mother's death when his little brother, Sam, dies in a car accident after graduation. Years later and two states over, Dean blames himself for the accident and can still see and talk to his younger brother, but it is a mysterious man from his past who comes back to haunt him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own anything. None of these characters are my own. Yada yada yada. I hope you like it!!

“Dean, come on we’re going to be late! You’re going to look like crap no matter how long you stand in front of the mirror.”  
“Bitch. I’m coming.” Dean yells down the stairs to his younger brother. He totally was not checking himself out. Well maybe he was but he looked hot. And anyways, you graduate from high school once` .  
“Jerk.” Sam automatically responds. “We really are going to be late if you don’t get down here now. Dad’s already in the car.”  
The young man bounds down the stairs to ruffle his little brother’s too-long hair. “Dean! Stop it!” Sam responds to the older boy’s display of affection. The boys wrestle towards the door and the older St. Winchester brother goes around to the front of the 1967 Chevy Impala while Sam clambers into the back and complains about the leg room. It’s not Dean’s fault that the kid is the size of a middle aged man and he’s only fourteen.  
The boy’s father, John, starts the car and pulls away from the small house in Lawrence, Kansas. After a 10 minute drive, they park at the high school and Dean rushes out of the car and heads toward the gym to line up with his classmates.  
“Dean, don’t forget your cap!” Sam yells after him. He stops and runs back to grab his cap and hug his little brother. “We’re proud of you, Dad and I. Even though he doesn't say it, he is.”  
“Sammy, no chick-flick moments. I’m gonna go get myself a diploma.” Dean responds but as he turns away, a smile lights up his face.  
Dean walks in the gym to be attacked by a blonde girl who runs up to hug him. “Hey Jo,” Dean coughed after regaining the ability to breathe, “You know that we’re supposed to dress up for this shindig, right?” He points to her beat up sneakers.  
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Ellen and Ash told me the same thing. You’ll all get over it. And I’ve never really been the dress and heels type of girl.” She lifts up the edge of her gown to show cutoff jean shorts to match her converse. “Let’s get this show on the road,” Jo smirked and pulled Dean into the processional line as the clichéd Pomp and Circumstance played to start the ceremony.  
“Dean St. Winchester.” Principle Singer calls. Dean struts up to the podium with a huge grin on his face. “You barely made it, son. But congrats anyways you idjit.” Mr. Singer mumbles to Dean as they shake hands and he receives his diploma. He laughs as he poses for a picture and Sam cheers his name.  
Dean, despite all of the gripe he gave Sam about being more excited about him graduating than he is, is excited to be leaving high school. He can finally start to work toward his dream of becoming a firefighter. Really, it is the only reason he finished high school instead of relying on a GED and his give-em-hell attitude. This is why he ignores the bottle inside of a paper bag in his dad’s hand and the weird look from the kid in the third row with the strangely bright blue eyes and just focuses on himself.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
A two weeks after graduation, Dean is sitting on the couch watching TV while Sam sits at the kitchen table surrounded by books. “Sammy,” Dean calls from the couch, “What the hell you studying for, kid? School’s out.”  
“Yea for you, Dean, but I have three AP assignments I’m getting a head start on. You don’t get into Stanford by procrastinating. And it’s Sam not Sammy. I’m not a girl.”  
“Whatever Samantha.” The older St. Winchester chuckles to himself. He pulls out his phone after feeling it vibrate in his pocket.  
From Jo: Hey Dean-o. Huge party at Ash’s tonight to celebrate me leaving for boot camp. You have to come. This is not debatable.  
Dean quickly types back a response: I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Joanna. What time?  
From Jo: It starts at 8. And don’t call me Joanna. Asshole.  
He laughs, pockets his phone and walks into the kitchen. “Hey Sam, since dad’s on a business trip for the next couple of days, you want me to order you pizza tonight?”  
“Why can’t you make me spaghetti like you said you were going to?” Sam asks without looking up from an English book.  
“Because, brat, I’m going to a party at Jo’s and since you’re such a gigantor who eats every twenty minutes, if I don’t leave you food, you’ll starve.” Dean scrounges the fridge for some lunch but only finds an empty cardboard container from a six-pack and a half of a Chinese carton of fried rice. He gives up and shuts the door.  
“Dad’s gonna be pissed if he finds out you left me alone. You know what happened last time.” Sam says gently, not wanting to upset his older brother.  
Dean flinched at the memory of his drunk and angry father yelling at him after he came home late from Ash’s house a few months ago. “Well he isn’t here so I don’t give a crap.”  
“Can you at least take me to Jess’ house if you’re gonna leave? Her mom said I can come over whenever I want so it’s ok.”  
“Fine. I’m leaving at 7:40 and I’ll leave whether you’re in the car or not.” Dean responds as he walks back to the living room to watch some more Dr. Sexy reruns.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
At 8:05, Dean slides into the Impala to find Sam sitting in the passenger seat.  
“7:40 huh?” the younger boy jeered.  
“Bitch.”  
“Jerk.”  
He starts the car and smiles at the deep rumble Baby makes. He fumbles through the glove compartment to pull out a cassette and sticks it gently in the stereo. He carefully pulls out of the driveway and heads towards Jessica Moore’s house. He’s late to Jo’s anyways so he might as well get there safely.  
A little ways down the road, the older St. Winchester turns to the younger one and snickers, “So you gonna take the next step in this relationship tonight and maybe tell her you like her?”  
“I do not! We’re just friends.” Sam argues.  
“Well the look in your eyes when you talk about her says otherwise. She’s a cute girl. Why don’t you go for it?” Dean taunts.  
“I don’t know, Dean. What if I tell her I like her and she doesn't like me back?”  
“Just pull those puppy dog eyes on her. You can get anyone to do anything with them. Like even get her into bed.” Dean jokes.  
Sam pulls his best bitch face and starts to smack his brother. The car swerves to the right but quickly returns back to its own lane.  
“Hey! I’m driving here! Do you want me to crash?” St. Winchester yells. The boy retracts his hands and answers by shaking his head. He looks down into his lap and anxiously picks at the fraying hem of his worn hoodie.  
“Hey Dean,” Sam asks after a few moments, “What am I gonna do when you go away to college?”  
Dean, not expecting that question, looks straight ahead at the road and answers gently. “I’m gonna work and send you money so you’ll have enough for food and the things you need for school. Dad will come home every once in a while and you’re gonna keep your head down till he leaves again. I’ll only be a few hours away. I’m gonna come home and see you all the time. You’re gonna study your butt off and in three years, you’re gonna go to Stanford and become some hot shot lawyer. You’re going to be happy.” He sighs. “It will be ok,” he says not sure to his brother or to himself.  
Sam looks hopeful. “We’re still gonna be brothers? Umm what I mean is are you going to miss me?”  
Dean stops Baby at a red light. He puts on a smile and turns to look at his little brother, “There aint no me if there aint no you.”  
The thing about moments is, to an outsider, they happen instantly. But there is no such thing as an instant. This moment in particular, seems to last forever to Dean. An SUV rear ends the impala and the boys are pushed into the intersection. Dean protectively puts a hand in front of his brother and once they stop rolling, he turns to him. All he can see is a halo of bright white lights around Sam’s face. Sam looks at his big brother questioningly, “Dean?” Metal bends and glass breaks as a semi-truck slams into the passenger side of the impala. The last thing Dean consciously remembers is yelling out his brother’s name.  
“Sam!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that it has been almost a year since I posted the first chapter. I am hoping to finish this story soon.

It’s too bright. That’s the first thing Dean notices. That and the ringing in his ears. Damn, his head hurts.

“Son? Son, you gotta open your eyes for me kid” a too-loud voice says to him. Dean’s eyes try to focus to the older man in front of him. 

“Sam. Where’s Sam?” His voice is raspy and it hurts to breathe. The man, the paramedic, looks at him with pity and pointedly does not look on the other side of the ambulance. Oh, he is in an ambulance. This is not right. Dean looks to the gurney next to him covered in a white sheet. A jolt in the vehicle causes a hand to slip out from underneath the cloth. And then he knows. That’s his brother. He starts to yell and reach for the too small, too cold hand. The man restrains Dean from rolling over towards his brother. 

“I’m so sorry kid, but you gotta focus on you. You were hurt real bad.”

Dean starts to slip. He can feel his body shutting down. His head really hurts. He’s having trouble breathing, and he can’t stop crying. It’s starting to get black around the edges of his vision and Dean is just so tired. 

“Hold on. Please hold on. Don’t give up on me now!” 

The man starts to pray. 

\----------

Seven years later….

“Hey Dean!”

He lifts his head from under the hood of a Corolla and turns towards the voice. Ash stands in the doorway from the shop to the office. 

“What’s up, man? Is this guy here cuz it’s gonna be another half hour till I’m done with…”

“Nah man, nothing like that. Someone’s here who wants to see you.” 

Confused about who it might be, Dean wipes his hands on a dirty rag and walks towards the office. No one comes to see him, not anymore. He turns to see a young woman, early 20’s with long, curly hair and a sad, but hopeful smile on her face.

“Jess? What are you doing here?” He walks over to give her a hug. “It’s been a really long time.”

“Hey Dean, I just flew in from California. I just graduated you know. I wanted to see you, find out how you were doing.” 

Dean smiles softly at her. “Yea, I’m doing alright. Can I take you out to lunch?” With her yes and a smile, he walks her to the diner across the street. Ten minutes later after sitting and ordering, Dean looks over at Jessica. 

She sighs. “You never called. You promised me you’d call. Just because you resent me doesn’t mean you can cut me off. After all we’ve been through.”

“I don’t resent you, Jess. You know that.” Dean replies defensively. “I just couldn’t hear about all the things you were up to at Stanford. Can’t start myself down that road of thinking anymore. It hurts too much.”

“You were upset with me after finding out I was going. And it killed me to live the life we had planned without him; he was my best friend, and you know that. You can’t hate me because I had no other choice, I couldn’t stay here after he was gone.” She starts to tear up as she grabs for Dean’s hand. “Dean, he was it for me. I loved him almost as much as you did-”

“-Do. Do love him” The older man gently squeezes her hand and lets go. “I can’t thank you enough for being there for me after. I honestly don’t know how I would have made it without you but even just looking at you hurts. It hurts to think about all the things he didn’t get. Stanford, you. Hell, you two would be engaged by now if he was still here.. If I hadn’t...”

“But he’s not, Dean. He’s not here anymore. It’s been seven years. How long are you going to beat yourself up over this? What happened that night was just as much my fault as it was yours. I’m the one who invited him over. Are you going to look me in the eye and tell me that I killed him, that I’m at fault for his death, because I know you do that to yourself every day. I know you do. I was there at your bedside and I was there with you after he was gone. You helped me just as much as I helped you. But he’s not here anymore and nothing we do is going to change that.”

Dean sighs and locks his watery eyes with hers. “Yeah. I know Jess. I just miss him.”

“Me too” she replies as their waitress delivers their lunch. 

\----------

Ash pats his hand on Dean’s shoulder hours later, as they are closing the garage. “Is tonight the night you come for drinks with me?”

“Yea, Ash. I think it is.”

The bar is just as he remembered. He hasn’t been here for a while, he was trying to cut back on his consumption of whiskey, but today has dug up too many memories for him to go home sober. Ash asks a woman to dance so Dean orders a beer and turns to see how many people he knows are here. He sees a man, about his age, at a table by the window. Dean tries to remember where he has seen him before when the dark haired-man looks up and locks eyes with him. He gets lost for a moment in the blueness of his eyes and no longer does he wonders who this man is. He walks over and sits down across from him.

“Hi, Castiel. I don’t know if you remember me but we went to high school together. I’m--”

Castiel smiles at his sudden arrival and interrupts him, “Dean. Dean Winchester. How could I forget? I haven’t seen you since, what was it? Graduation?” 

“Yea. It’s been a while. What have you been doing with your life?”

“I am working on finishing my masters in English Literature. Also, I am planning a roadtrip to see my family in upstate New York. How about you?”

“Oh nothing crazy like that. I work as a mechanic at the garage here in town.”

“That’s still a very exciting career. Is your family still around these parts?”

Dean drinks his beer and tries to find the words. “Well after my brother died, my dad couldn’t handle being here anymore and took off. Haven’t seen him since about a month after we graduated.”

The look Castiel gives him is intense, almost as if he can see right down to his soul, but he can’t seem to look away. “Oh, I am terribly sorry Dean… And how is Joanna? Last I heard, she joined the Army, correct?”

“She did. Jo was killed in a car bombing in Afghanistan a few years back. Her mom, Ellen, still runs this bar though.”

“I really have been gone a long time.” 

Castiel and Dean talk long into the night. It is about 12:30 when the darker haired man says, “Dean, I don’t mean to be forward, but would you like to come back to my place? For a drink of course.”

Dean smiles and says, “Sure, Cas. Let’s get out of here.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone. Thank you for reading. If you liked it just let me know so I keep writing. I love you all!


End file.
